Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and blissfully fail to remember that Tax Day is just two days away. You didn’t remember, did you? BAHAHAHAHA! You should see the look on your face. You look like you just failed a midterm. LET’S GO!
GLEE – 9:28PM (FOX)
It’s the season premiere of Fox’s musical comedy smash. Every song performed tonight has either the word “hell” or “hello” in it. That includes "Hello" by Lionel Richie (if a blind student isn’t crafting a clay sculpture of some chick he likes while singing it, I’ll be disappointed), "Hello, I Love You" by The Doors, "Hello, Goodbye" by The Beatles, and "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC. Oh, no. A showtunes version of “Highway to Hell”? Really? Angus Young approved this? Because I do not. ANTICIPATION: GLEEKY!
LOST – 9:00PM (ABC)
Tonight’s episode is called “Everyone Loves Hugo”. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Does this mean Hugo will die? Because I could see the title being ironic like that. And who is this new arrival in Locke’s camp? Is it Linus, in smoke form? Will Hurley be forced to make a difficult choice? Who REALLY built Stonehenge? Why can I not get all the fruit off the bottom of my yogurt cup, no matter how long I stir it? WHERE ARE MY PANTS? So many questions. ANTICIPATION: CONFOUNDED!
20 MOST SHOCKING UNSOLVED CRIMES – 8:00PM (E!)
Number Five: Who took the cookies from the cookie jar? I say Eddie. Couldn’t be, you say. Then who, I ask you? THEN WHO? ANTICIPATION: HOFFARIFFIC
INSIDE THE BODY OF HENRY VIII – 9:00PM (NatGeo – an NBC/Universal network)
You’re gonna find an awful lot of kidney pie in there, people. ANTICIPATION: LIKE A VICTORIAN CSI
CHOPPED – 10:00PM (Food Network)
Tonight, the contestants have to work with frog legs in the appetizer round. I love it on shows like this where the challenge is presented and one contestant, without fail, gets all whiny and says, “I usually don’t work with this ingredient. I don’t like it. I’m not used to it.” Dude, that’s the freaking point! That’s why it’s a CHALLENGE, you idiot! “What? You want me to cook? On a cooking show? That’s not usually my thing.” Get it together people, or Alex Guarnaschelli will eat you. ANTICIPATION: HUNGRY