Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while a judge in LA lets you walk without any jail time on your zillionth probation violation. Judges are always a sucker for pretty faces like yours, LiLo. LET’S GO!
GLEE – 9:00PM (FOX) Tonight, the gang puts its spin on “The Rocky Horror Picture Show,” that venerable cult classic you never watched and likely never will. I saw five minutes of that movie once, and I promise you it’s only a cult classic because seven people tripping on LSD back in ’75 just happened to see it at the right time. Anyway, expect lots of torn fishnet stockings and black lipstick. Plus a special appearance from Meat Loaf! Oh, yes. Loaf is in the hizzay. No Susan Sarandon or Tim Curry for you, though. ANTICIPATION: FRANK N. FURTER!
DANCING WITH THE STARS – 9:00PM (ABC) Learn which hoofer gets sent right back to the F-List this evening, and enjoy special musical performances from Kylie Minogue and Heart. Nancy Wilson just divorced Cameron Crowe, guys. So NOW is your chance. Do not try that “You complete me” line on her. I bet she’s sick to death of it. ANTICIPATION: YOU HAD ME AT “THESE DREAMS”!
BILLY THE EXTERMINATOR – 9:30PM (A&E) Billy is called in to a fire department training center that’s been overrun with a swarm of LETHAL BEES! Oh, yes. BEES. And they now know how to take out our rescue facilities. Soon, they shall acquire the knowledge to make fire, and become FIRE BEES, BEES OF FIRE. Next they will target our munitions factories, and then we will have no defense. The bees will engulf us all and turn us into manhoney. Beware. ANTICIPATION: FIRE BEES!
MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal network) Cross promo alert! Bravo brings in Caroline from the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” to be a client this week, asking Patti to arrange a match for her undoubtedly horrible two sons, Albie and Christopher. Having your mom set you up on a date is, as you know, pure anguish. But to have that date set up on national TV, and to have it set up by a woman who looks like Dr. Frank N. Furter? Well, that’s a bit too much to bear. ANTICIPATION: HAIL GEL!
AUCTION KINGS – 10:00PM (Discovery) This new shows focuses on Gallery 63 auction house and its head auctioneer, Paul Brown. Tonight, Paul and the gang appraise a vampire killing kit, a meteorite, and a Nazi handbook. NEXT UP LOT 78 THIS NAZI HANDBOOK DO I HEAR $5 DO I HEAR $6 DO I HEAR $7? SOLD TO THE OLD MAN WITH THE BLOCK MUSTACHE IN THE BACK FOR SEVEN DOLLARS! I could talk like an auctioneer all day. ANTICIPATION: SOLD!