It’s said a mother’s love never dies; it lives on in her children. Cara Belvin is proof of that.
“I was 9 years old when my mother died of breast cancer,” Belvin said. “My mother was just smart and beautiful and funny, and my brother and I always say she just gave us wings to fly.”
Through her work as a breast cancer advocate and school psychologist, Cara has wrapped those wings around others. But becoming a mother of two herself helped her realize an even higher calling.
“I thought surely we’ve had so many advancements in children’s bereavement,” she said, “and what I wished I had [when I was a child] was this opportunity to meet other girls like me ... you feel like the only girl in the world whose mom died.”
Now 42 years old, Belvin has already outlived her mother by five years. And it was five years ago she had an idea: Mother’s Day was a particularly painful time of year. So, she thought, she would find teenage girls coping with maternal loss, and take them away for a retreat on Mother’s Day weekend.
In 2014, seven girls were part of the inaugural trip, and empowerHER was born.
Today, the non-profit has grown to serve hundreds of girls up to age 24 who have experienced the early loss of a mother. Support is provided through events, retreats, and one-on-one mentoring relationships.
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Ali Borkowski’s mother Wendy passed away last October after an accident. The 19-year-old Southington student said at first, the loss didn’t feel real, but “when it hit me, oh man it hit me, like a tornado.”
Laurie Faye can relate. She was 17 when her own mother died of breast cancer. so when she was paired with Ali as a volunteer mentor in December, the two had an instant connection. Borkowski said the relationship has helped her open up and cope with the loss.
“Until empowerHER is when I started literally feeling every emotion and being able to talk about it, and that has helped me so much more,” she said.
Not all empowerHER mentors have experienced maternal loss. Some have overcome different challenges and forms of grief. After an extensive screening and matching process, they commit to spending at least five hours a month with their mentees for at least one year. But Laurie and Ali have grown so close, they say they talk every day, and plan to be part of each other’s lives forever.
“I want her to know that she’s going to be OK,” said Laurie. “That I will be there for [her]. And I firmly believe that I am a stronger and better person for everything I’ve gone through and for that loss. And I know that she will be too.”
Mentor-mentee activities range from leisurely lunches, shopping and conversation to more difficult milestones like spending holidays or the anniversary of a mother’s passing together. But the idea isn’t to replace the role of the mother, Belvin said. Instead, mentors provide empathetic support and additional resources for the girl and her family.
“By definition mentors are adults who show a young person they care. A child of grief needs reminders that there are adults who care.”
And most importantly, Belvin said, mentors show girls first-hand that trauma is survivable. That even through grief, there can still be joy in life.
To learn more about empowerHER, refer a girl or become a mentor click here.
