Today is Valentine’s Day, and while so many people are celebrating with roses and chocolates, for others who have experienced an abusive relationship, the holiday can trigger painful feelings.
Interval House, Connecticut’s largest domestic violence agency, is supporting women and children survivors on the holiday and shining a light on the issue all month long.
On Tuesday, they hosted a Valentine’s Day celebration with gifts, breakfast, cupcakes and cookies for the kids. At the Interval House Safe House, a hotline advocate stirred eggs, a safe house manager flipped pancakes, and a case manager made a fruit salad.
“A major holiday like that, we try very hard to commemorate it in some way and make it extra special,” Mary-Jane Foster, Interval House president and CEO, said.
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Foster says that is because the holidays, especially Valentine’s Day, are triggering for people leaving behind abusive relationships. She says it can be a dangerous day if an ex takes advantage of the moment to make contact.
“The most important thing for a victim or survivor to remember is to stay safe. Make sure that you have a safety plan in place, make sure that it's current, that it's dynamic,” Foster said.
Aside from that risk, she says Valentine’s Day can prompt survivors to experience flashbacks and re-live trauma.
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“Domestic violence is about control,” Foster said. “It's about demeaning the self-worth of another person, isolating that person from family, friends and colleagues. And so all of those memories come flooding back on Valentine's Day in particular.”
Foster says survivors should take extra steps on the holiday. Those include not engaging with an abusive ex, preparing for flashbacks with extra therapy or self-care, sharing time with a loving partner or other loved ones, and remembering that the abusive relationship is in the past.
Interval House’s efforts to support survivors do not end with the holiday. In 2022, they helped more than 6,500 people in Connecticut impacted by intimate partner violence.
All month long, they are shining a light on another major issue as well. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness month.
“How easy it is to confuse love and obsession,” Sofia Veronesi, a teen dating violence survivor, said.
At the State Capitol Tuesday, the 18-year-old survivor shared her story of becoming isolated by her boyfriend, then facing physical abuse.
“Before I knew it, I was struck again. I fell into the toilet hitting my head which led to a minor concussion,” Veronesi recalled about one incident. “I looked down on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and notice I had fallen broken glass and was covered in cuts and blood. At that moment, I just sat with my head in my hands among the broken glass pieces and sobbed.”
Veronesi asks parents to look for warning signs. Interval House reports that 82% of parents admit they do not know if teen dating violence is an issue, and 58 percent of parents cannot correctly identify all the warning signs of abuse.
Throughout February, Interval House is hosting weekly virtual discussions about teen dating violence called "After School Specials: Teen Dating Violence." Those take place every Wednesday at 4 p.m. They also have a toolkit available online for parents and educators.
Through a Valentine’s Day celebration, they are also reminding people moving on from painful experiences that their past is not their future.
“You are worthy,” Foster said. “I think marking the holiday, facing Valentine's Day, and knowing that you are supported by people who have had this very same experience you have, it's important to healing. It's important to being able to move on to look at the issue and say that was then and this is now, I'm doing the best that I can to move forward and live a full and safe life.”
Interval House offers a 24-7 hotline, a safe house, and works with victims and survivors in the courts. If you or someone you know needs help, you can call the 24-hour hotline for assistance in English (860-838-8467) or in Spanish (860-831-9200).
