Wednesday Watch List: Top Chef Just Got Real!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and track down the fiend who stole your holly wreath. Few people know that a good holly wreath can fetch up to three dollars on the black market. LET’S GO!

TOP CHEF ALL STARS – 10:00PM (Bravo – an NBC/Universal Network) Some people were up in arms last week over the ouster of Jen, but I didn’t really have any problem with it. It’s not like she was THAT good. It’s not like they knocked out Richard Blais early, which would be insane. Jen choked at the end of Season 6, and she decided to choke early this go round. I’m sure she’s probably a better chef than say, Fabio. But hey, soft bacon is soft bacon, people. Frankly, I’m just concerned for the poor girl’s mental well-being. She kept saying her dad told her second place is still losing. Why do I think her Dad was some insane, domineering Chef Dad who forced young Jen to brunoise carrots before she could even walk? I fear for the gal. ANTICIPATION: CUTTHROAT!

THE SING-OFF – 8:00PM (NBC) Tonight the singing groups must do a medley of songs from a single artist. I’m of the mind that all medleys should be outlawed, forever. I like my greatest hits separately. I don’t like them awkwardly smashed together into a patchwork seven-minute collage. Medleys are for the weak and lazy. I am a song completist. Also tonight, the groups all collaborate on a rendition of “With A Little Help From My Friends.” No word on if they’ll be allowed to pass a sheet of LSD tabs between them during the verses. ANTICIPATION: GET HIGH!

24/7 PENGUINS/CAPITALS: ROAD TO THE 2010 WINTER CLASSIC – 10:00PM (HBO) HBO’s “24/7” series has usually been reserved for trailing big-name boxers as they prepare for a marquee bout. Now HBO tries the same formula with hockey, as they follow the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins all the way to their outdoor game at Heinz Field on New Year’s Day. I’m told there will be copious amounts of swearing, so that pleases me. And even the American players talk with a Canadian accent. Listen! It’s true! They’re totally affected! ANTICIPATION: ABOOT!

LET’S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER: CONFESSIONS OF ROCK’S GREATEST GROUPIES – 9:00PM (VH1) VH1’s new “Rock Docs” will be like ESPN’s “30 for 30,” only with more skanks and drugs. Tonight, join legendary rock bicycle Pamela des Barres as she travels the country and interviews some of music’s biggest groupies. Would it shock you to know these women do not come from strong family backgrounds? ANTICIPATION: SEXY!

ASSORTED TLC CRAZINESS – 8:00PM (TLC) Start with “My Skin Is Killing Me” at 8, followed by “Untold Stories of the ER” at 9, which features a schizo patient who thinks he has someone else’s face. Nicolas Cage’s, I imagine. And watch a medical student get mistaken for a doctor and forced to deliver a baby. I can think of worse people to mistake for an OB/GYN than a medical student. One of those “Ice Road Trucker” guys, for example. Then wrap it all up at 10 with “The Boy With Bloody Tears,” about a boy who cries blood. That’s one great evening of medical abnormalities. ANTICIPATION: CRAZY!

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