Contrary to popular sentiment, the NFL’s blackout rule doesn’t cover matchups of 2-11 teams, so, unfortunately, the Jets-Titans game will be on for your viewing “pleasure” on Sunday at 4. Sure, you can switch channels to the 49ers-Seahawks game at 4:25, but that still saddles you with nearly a half-hour of some of the worst football imaginable. Remember, that’s time you’ll never get back.
Still, it’s not all that bad. After all, you could be:
• Very slowly serpentining through the parking lot of your local mall, in search of that elusive spot.
• Having finally found that parking space after two or three hours, now having to actually enter said mall to wait on line for four of five hours while holiday shopping.
• Digging holiday decorations out of your some godforsaken corner of your home that required enduring a virtual Tough Mudder course to reach. I’m all for saving a buck where possible, but those tree lights cost all of $15 to replace, and getting to them will surely require hundreds in visits to your neighborhood chiropractor.
• Doing just about anything with your in-laws. Isn’t celebrating Christmas with them enough?
• Watching video of your kids’ holiday concert. You already passed up a good game to sit through this mess. Do you really need to relive it, complete with constant commentary from the little ones? Who said camera phones were a good thing?
• Watching video of your relatives’ kids’ holiday concerts, and then being asked to comment on the performances. And then having to nod, smile and keep your mouth shut when they say, “Really, you think he (or she) has talent?,” followed by “That was nothing, you should see his (or her) one-person play. I’m going to start emailing it now, but it’s too big a file to send all at once.”
• John Idzik.
Suddenly sounds like one heck of a game, right? Hopefully Gang Green can find a way to lose (and stay right in the hunt for the #1 draft pick), which is one of the few things at which they’ve excelled all season. But it won’t be easy against a franchise that puts the “Titan” in Titanic.
With rookie QB Zach Mettenberger out with a shoulder injury, Tennessee is turning back to Jake Locker, who forms one corner of the Bermuda triangle of quarterback drafts (In 2011, Locker was selected 8th overall by the Titans, while the Jaguars picked Blaine Gabbert 10th and the Vikes chose Christian Ponder 12th. If any of the personnel guys who made these choices are still employed—in the NFL or anywhere else—that situation needs to be remedied immediately.).
Locker is lousy, but he fits right in on a team that can’t score or stop any opponent from doing so.
The Jets should win on Sunday at Nashville’s LP Field, and you should be watching at home, where you already have a parking space.