Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines: Week 8

Just another limp-D 8-6 week. I wonder when I'll finally break through and sniff a double digit win week? Hmm. Maybe this week? Nah. Probably not. The season record now stands at a "creeping-on-a-comeback" 47-53-1 record. And somehow I forgot to post my locks. They will be there this week and indicated by **Guaranteed Loss Team** some sort of thing. Onto the picks.

Atlanta Falcons @ Philadelphia Eagles (-9)
The Falcons are a bizarre story -- I know they're winning but I watched the Panthers beat them and ... well, I just don't think they're as good as their record. I also think the Eagles are better than their record. So I'll take the ridiculous nine points.

Eagles -9

Kansas City Chiefs @ New York Jets (-12.5)
What a stout freaking line that is, and I suppose it's indicative of just how crappy the Chiefs are; the Jets, if you recall, did actually just lose to the Raiders. Which, while embarrassing enough, still isn't as bad as having to start Tyler Thigpen at quarterback. This really will be a true test of Herm Edwards' crappiness.

Jets -12.5

Chiefs +12.5

St. Louis Rams @ New England Patriots (-7)
Ummm, did I miss something? Because Jim Haslett is undefeated this season. Oh right. I didn't watch any football Monday night. That's why they're so heavily favored. Still, Haslett.

Rams +7

Buffalo Bills (-1.5) @ Miami Dolphins
Well, that's just not enough. What a slap in the face to the Buffalo Bills ... yoooooooour 2008 AFC Champions*.

Bills -1.5
Oakland Raiders @ Baltimore Ravens (-7)
See, the NFL is screwed up right now, in a wonderfully weird and bizarre way. But that's cool. However, it just means that when I get two mediocre teams playing each other and one is favored by a touchdown or more, I'm going to take the underdog. Oh. Maybe I should go back and change that Jets pick.

Raiders +7

Washington Redskins (-7.5) @ Detroit Lions
Did you hear? The Lions' first blackout is upon us, because the sponsors finally gave up and decided not to bail them out. How wonderful. And only a few short weeks after the Matt Millen era finally ends. So, the question is, if the Lions suck and no one watches, do they actually lose? Of course they do.

Redskins -7.5

Arizona Cardinals @ Carolina Panthers (-4)
Remember the last time these teams played? Maybe you don't. But I do. I was live-blogging this piece at Mister Mittens and it was Kurt Warner v. Vinny Testaverde. Also known as "Hell on Earth for Brinson." Anywho, this should still be a good game because we get to find out if the Cards are real ... or something like that. I think both teams here are legit and it should be ... oh hell, you know who I'm taking.

Panthers -4

San Diego Chargers (-3) @ New Orleans Saints
Brees v. Rivers! The matchup of the century! Seriously, this could be an awesome shootout. Particularly if Drew shows up like he did against the Raiders. I am a little concerned about the time change though -- Phil looked like dook walking through the London airport, and I know my schedule gets screwed up when I fly across the country -- I couldn't imagine having to go to London and play football.

Chargers -3

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Dallas Cowboys (-1.5)
Tony Romo Brad Johnson Jeff Garcia

Buccaneers +1.5

Cincinnati Bengals @ Houston Texans (-9)
It just occurred to me that the Texans have been favored by nine points or more for the second straight week. That says very bad things about many teams in the NFL. Or at least the Lions and Bengals. I'm personally not buying the Ryan Fitzpatrick hype.

Texans -9

Cleveland Browns @ Jacksonville Jaguars (-7)
Seven. That's roughly how many dropped passes we can expect out of Braylon Edwards again this week. Or the number of completions (out of 50 attempts, in all likelihood) we can expect out of Derek Anderson. That doesn't mean I'm not still a sucker.

Browns +7

New York Giants @ Pittsburgh Steelers (-2.5)
And ... easily the game of the week. Finally, one team -- the Titans excepted -- gets to try and prove that they are legitimately the best team in the league. Personally, I'm a Steelers guy myself, even though I think that the ringless Phil Rivers is the best quarterback out of that class.

Steelers -2.5

Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers (-5)
And ... followed quickly by easily the worst game of the week. At least Mike Singletary gets to inspire in his coaching debut. This could quickly be a low point on the Mike Holmgren Retirement Party Celebration Tour.

49ers -5

Indianapolis Colts @ Tennessee Titans (-4)
Peyton Manning has a staph infection (or had) and the Titans are looking to sink the Colts' ship for the season. Their defense is disgusting and the Colts looked embarrassingly bad against the Packers. But I just can't believe that the AFC South is this screwed up.

Colts +4

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