I Hate My Fantasy Team: Auld is Ocean's 12

(Ed. Note: "I Hate My [expletive deleted] Fantasy Team!" is a weekly feature on Puck Daddy in which we vicariously live through two Yahoo! Fantasy Hockey GMs as they provide snarky advice and tales of woe. This week's author is Hextall454 of Melt Your Face Off. Enjoy.)

By Hextall454

During the NHL Lockout, I was forced to direct my attention to something other than hockey. Having discretionary income to spend on something other enormous hockey tickets, I turned to collecting movies on DVD. After my collection reached a respectable plateau, where both the quantity and quality garnered respect from my peers, I did something I swore I'd never do: purchase a movie sight unseen. What was the movie that caused such an audible?

"Ocean's 12."

Why break my rule? Because I had heard good things. Because its predecessor proved to be a solid flick with a great cast and good writing. The reasoning was simple -- if every single member of the original cast came back for only ensemble-level cash, then 12 must have a killer script. And considering Best Buy's selling it for a reasonable 11.99, I'd be a fool NOT to buy it...right?

Flash forward to December 5, 2008.

That clicking sound you just heard was my finger depressing the "Accept" button on my first trade of the season. Remember? I used my left wing depth properly and dealt Patrik Elias for the deliciously hot waffle board of Ottawa Senators goalie Alex Auld. This move was supposed to be the move to rocket the Salsa Sharks out of the mediocre middle and claim my rightful place atop the standings. We all know how that panned out. (The night after that trade, Elias was voted Puck Daddy's #1 Star of the Night with two goals, including the OT winner to sink my own damn Philadelphia Flyers at the Wachovia Center. Talk about a harbinger of doom.)

So while Elias had a December to remember (9 G, 10A, plus-8) and vaulted himself into the Top Ten of our league's player ranker, Auld chose to forget how to play the game of hockey altogether.

Compiling a 2-4-1 record, including a 4-game stretch of 5 goal letdowns doesn't exactly give your coach confidence in your abilities. Look, part of my trade for Auld was predicated on the untimely implosion of one Martin Gerber.

I had no idea Gerber was contagious.

Now the Sens have given AHL hotshot Brian Elliott a chance, and his defeat of Atlanta may have just called curtains for Gerber. He very well could be future of netminding in Ottawa. Gerber's still out of the picture, sure, but Auld looks head back to his day job of pine riding.  So what do I do with you now, Alex? WHAT DO I DO?

Once I realized "Ocean's 12" sucked (Really? The egg was stolen in a train scene we never saw?), I questioned what to do with my ill-advised purchase. After all, keeping it on the same shelf with the likes of "L.A. Confidential" and "The Usual Suspects" would cheapen the whole group. I'm also unlikely to ever watch the thing again, leaving it forever benched. 

Alex Auld is not unlike "Ocean's 12."  He was acquired without me doing my homework, watching a single Sens game, and I gave up something good to get him. Of course, trashing the DVD or cutting Auld would be a formal declaration of my mistake to the world. Marco Sturm will be a Bruin until the day he dies, lest Boston admit that trading Joe Thornton just maybe wasn't the best idea in the world. I could do the same with Auld, staple him to my bench, and never fully accept responsibility for likely my worst trade in the history of fantasy hockey. 

But while a DVD can sit buried in a stack and do me no harm, Auld is taking up a roster spot, that I don't know, could help break a 5-week losing streak. The decision has been made.

The Red Bank Salsa Sharks drop Alex Auld (G-OTT)

The Red Bank Salsa Sharks add Ty Conklin (G-DET)

Here's to hoping Mr. Outdoors can redeem my team in "Ocean's 13."

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