Monday Watch List: Every Rose Has Its Two-Hour Special

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and cross your fingers for Japan. LET’S GO!

THE BACHELOR – 8:00PM (ABC) It’s time… for the final rose! Oh, yes. Brad must finally choose who he will propose to, only to quietly break up with two months from now. Will it be Emily? Or will it be Chantal, whose name clearly suggests a history of working in gentlemen’s clubs? What’s that? Emily has a daughter? Okay, well then I can tell you in advance that she’s a goner. Tonight’s rose ceremony comes to you from Cape Town, South Africa. And I must again object to these people getting a cool free trip every week. That’s grossly unfair.

Stay tuned after the finale, for ABC does the whole “After the Final Rose” thing at 10pm, where they interview Brad and his future ex-fiancee, along with previous “stars” of the franchise, like Ali Longlastname and that Trista lady. Remember her? No? You’re not missing much. ANTICIPATION: CHANTAL!

WEDDING WARS – 9:00PM (VH1) Can’t get enough bridal porn? Well, here comes VH1 to pick up the slack, with this reality competition between young couples fighting for a free dream wedding. The couples face off against each other on a remote jungle island for the right to advance and win small prizes like tuxes and stuff. It’s just like “Survivor,” only there’s cake at the end. ANTICIPATION: BETTER THAN THAT KATE HUDSON MOVIE!

CHUCK – 8:00PM (NBC) Old Spice spokesman Isaiah Mustafa recently inked a deal with NBC that allowed him to develop shows and guest star on existing series. Here now are the first fruits of that deal: a guest turn on “Chuck” alongside Stacy Kiebler (Oh, Stacy) as a demonically perfect secret agent. See if Old Spice guy has what it takes to become a real TV star. I wouldn’t bet against him. He smells great, after all. ANTICIPATION: OLD SPICE GUY!

HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) Huddy is over! Oh, thank God. I haven’t wanted to see a TV couple break up that badly since Bert and Ernie. Tonight, Masters falls for a bullfighter or something. Spicy! ANTICIPATION: TALK TO HER!

THE EVENT – 9:00PM (NBC) NBC will not stop until you tune in to this serialized drama, and tonight they’re busting out the 100-megaton warhead: GABRIELLE CARTERIS. Yes, that’s right. The 90210 alum is here to keep those aliens from abducting the President or something. I hope there’s a very earnest message about teen pregnancy somewhere at the end. ANTICIPATION: CARTERIS!

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