(Ed. Note: "I Hate My [expletive deleted] Fantasy Team!" is a weekly feature on Puck Daddy in which we vicariously live through two Yahoo! Fantasy Hockey GMs as they provide snarky advice and tales of woe. This week's author is The Rev. Zamboni from The Palm Isle. Enjoy.)
By The Rev. Zamboni
As soon as I finished typing this sentence -- "I hate hate hate head-to-head scoring, a point made especially clear to me after struggling to a 4-3 victory and a 3-4 loss to the two teams in the league whose managers last checked their rosters when Bob Carpenter was centering Stephane Richer, and even then they only knew about them because of Sega NHL and they didn't use line changes either" -- I realized if we went to a rotisserie system, I'd be in about the same position: fourth place and just hanging on.
But there is the larger issue of dealing with managers who completely quit on their teams, angering managers who played them early in the schedule when they a) cared, b) had at least one goalie still in the NHL, and c) it seemed like picking up Mats Sundin was a good gamble because he could come back any moment now.
It's not that I don't have some empathy: My primary source of hockey enjoyment this year has come from a Cornell University team ranked number three in the country, which I've been watching since 1995 when I got to Ithaca and saw someone throw a fish at a player from Harvard.
Even thinking about the Islanders makes me depressed, and reading the daily barrage of insults across the Web and throughout the hockey media makes me want to choke journalists who cannot grasp the infinite conceptual gap between fan and owner, and possibly conceive that some people just like hockey and just like the Islanders no matter how crazy things might get. Because, you know, they've been crazier. Much crazier. Now go make fun of basketball or something. And, I also want to set my Xbox on fire after finally (hopefully) giving up the mess that is NHL 09, what with the flopping goalies, ridiculous advantage given to the CPU in all loose puck battles, and the boring goal and penalty variety.
So yeah, Go Big Red.
Back to those deadbeat managers: We're not going to quit inviting them to play, because we've known them for too long, and probably suspect (hope?) we will all find our daily lives so exciting someday as to render fantasy hockey meaningless. And really, there is considerable entertainment value in someone drafting a roster loaded with recent KHL signees, Mat Sundin and Derek Boogaard. So, suggestions are welcome.
As for league news (and back to the rotisserie/head-to-head issue): I remain in the top four or five of the league in goal totals, PIMs, plus/minus, save percentage, and goals against. And I remain in the bottom four of five in assists and power play points, with middling results in the remaining categories. It is a recipe for success in a league in which parity is the rule. Positions four through nine are separated by 13 points. Positions four through seven are separated by three.
My last move of significance took place when I dropped Jason Arnott and picked up Mikko Koivu because, for some inconceivable reason, I have adopted the Minnesota Wild in the past few years as my western conference team. Maybe the New York Islanders were too exciting for me.
I don't know. It is what it is. And when "Ass Bonanza" dropped Koivu, I saw the opportunity to unload Arnott after what I would deem a worthy contribution to the Bad Habitants cause. (on an unrelated note: I'm tinkering with renaming the team "Scouts?", which, if you've read anything about the Islanders this week, and you know anything about hockey history/Slap Shot quotes, will make some sense.)
The playoffs will be a miracle. And I can only hope Jack Edwards will be there to call it such.