I have always said, if you want to "change" America, hire some football coaches. No one leads with more focus, determination, and loyalty than some of the best coaches in the country. So with that in mind, I thought I'd help President-elect Barack Obama select a football based cabinet. With apologies to Chief of Staff appointment Raum Emmanuel, former ballerina's need not apply.
Secretary of State: Florida Head Coach Urban Meyer
This person must formulate and execute foreign policy as well as promote the long term security of the United States. I am not sure how well traveled Coach Meyer is, but he certainly knows how to promote the long range security of his program: stockpile more "weapons" than any other program, even if it means raiding little old Connecticut. The Gators starting tight end Aaron Hernandez is from Bristol and incoming quarterback Jordan Reed plays at New London High.
Secretary of the Treasury: Yankees Owner and former football coach George Steinbrenner
The Boss may have forgotten football from his days as an assistant coach, but he knows money. And much like current treasurer Hank Paulson, Steinbrenner would bailout and outspend any administration.
Secretary of Defense: Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick
Does anyone in history know more about defense? And don't worry, he's not afraid to hire spies.
Attorney General: Texas Tech Coach Mike Leach
If there was Secretary of Offense, it would definitely be Leach. But since he earned a law degree, Attorney General works. Case closed.
Secretary of the Interior: Dolphins Head Coach Tony Sparano
This cabinet post protects the nation's natural and cultural heritage. Anyone whose name sounds like Tony Soprano understands "culture and heritage". And since Tony Sparano played and coached the interior of the offensive line, he's a perfect fit.
Secretary of Agriculture: Kansas Coach Mark Mangino
Anyone as large as Coach Mangino understands the importance of agriculture. When he talks about his teams "eating" up time on the ground, he's not kidding.
Secretary of Commerce: Yale Head Coach Jack Siedlecki
We can't put a cabinet together without at least one guy from the Ivy League.
Secretary of Labor: Alabama Head Coach Nick Saban
No one outworks Nick Saban. And he understands labor law in Louisiana, Florida, and Alabama. His best advice; you can tell everyone you are staying at one job and still take another and get paid millions for it.
Secretary of Health and Human Services: UConn Head Coach Randy Edsall
He jogs. He stays in shape. He sets an example for his players. And you will never have to worry about him leaking ANY information about the health of those quarterbacking his plan.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Miami Head Coach Randy Shannon
We must have someone who came out of an urban area govern it. Coach Shannon's personal story alone could inspire anyone to "beat the streets".
Secretary of Transportation: Louisville turned Atlanta Falcons turned Arkansas Head Coach Bobby Petrino
He knows how to move from place to place very fast.
Secretary of Energy: USC Head Coach Pete Carroll
No one in football has more energy. And when he's running low on fuel, he can re-energize by looking out at his never ending "pipeline" of "natural resources".
Secretary of Education: Gillman School Head Coach Joe Ehrman
Yes, I want a high school coach for this position. Not any coach. The man who inspired the book "Season of Life". The former Syracuse and Colts star teaches his players about much more than winning. They learn how to lead, how to love, and how to live. Joe Ehrman's first assignment should be to make "Season of Life" required reading at every high school in America.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Penn State Head Coach Joe Paterno
I want someone who has lived through every war in American history.
Secretary of Homeland Security: Giants Head Coach Tom Coughlin
Give me someone who never wants to lose at home. Coach Coughlin is also proficient on the road, taking on the enemy on their turf on his terms. Plus, like his protege Randy Edsall, every secret is safe.