(Ed. Note: "I Hate My [expletive deleted] Fantasy Team!" is a weekly feature on Puck Daddy in which we vicariously live through two Yahoo! Fantasy Hockey GMs as they provide snarky advice and tales of woe. This week's author is Hextall454 of Melt Your Face Off. Enjoy.)
By Hextall454
Week 16. What a misnomer.
I have nothing evidential that refutes the fact that this is in fact the sixteenth iteration of your fantasy hockey league's schedule. The very notion that Yahoo! chooses to number its weeks with consecutive integers proves that we've been at this for a figure equal to the retired number of Bobby Clarke, Pat LaFontaine, and Henri Richard. That leaves my issue in the nomenclature of Week 16 on that pesky "Week" part.
You call that a week?
Coming off another soul-crushing loss (this time a 7-6 decision to the free-falling Claimed Off Waivers, who as an added punch to the ear, is managed by my own father), I got my team to regroup, refocus, and prepare for the league-leading DVDs on Ice.
Sports
Playing the league leader is always a daunting task, and what with DVD recently losing Phil Kessel to mono, I just might have a chance to right the ship. After all, each weekly showdown consists of 7 nights of hockey. Nights on which anything is possible.
Note: Declaration of Optimism does not apply to Islander fans.
And it was in last week that I saw the glimmers of competency in my team.
On Monday, Marek Zidlicky stepped up, scoring two power play goals (one of which was a game-winner), one assist, and managed to be on the ice for all four goals in a 4-1 rout at Chicago. Meanwhile in Sunrise, David Booth had a hand in both goals Florida could muster against Buffalo in a 3-2 loss. I'm up 7-3. I don't know about you, but this driver's seat certainly comfortable. Is that real leather?
On Tuesday, the universe corrected itself. Sure, everyone I dressed scored a point (save Christian Ehrhoff), but fantasy hockey is not won on assists alone. (The ghastly minus-8 towards the plus/minus point doesn't exactly help either.) Meanwhile, the GM of the DVDs must have given his squad an intermission pep talk reminiscent of Coach Herb Brooks, as they exploded for 5 goals, 3 of which came from defenseman. Just like that, it's 6-6 and I see the demotion to the back seat on the horizon.
Wednesday came and went with little change to the overall score. I racked up 5 more assists (next week's schedule pep talk: SHOOT THE PUCK OCCASIONALLY) and DVD took the lead in all the goalie categories. Little generally happens in the NHL on Wednesdays; it is but a mere midpoint in your matchup. Everyone knows you make your move on Thursdays and Saturdays in fantasy. So I'm content with falling behind 8-2.
Thursday: No Games Scheduled.
Friday: No Games Scheduled.
Saturday: No Games Scheduled.
Sunday: NHL All-Star Game, 6 p.m., Montreal.
Oh crap.
And just like that, the 8-2 deficit stands. I'd petition Yahoo! to include my stats from my four All-Stars (Marleau, Toews, Vanek, Street Clothes Sidney), except my two goals and two assists would be matched and surpassed by DVD's 4 All-Stars (Staal, Boyle, Campbell, Doan) and their 3 goals and 3 assists.
Here's to hoping Week 17 stays true to its name.
